I’ve been violated in a major way

Here is what my day consisted of. It was the.worst.experience.of.my.life.

This is my SHIT

My sister just called me a SLUT. BITCH!

(336):I’m going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture

(1-336):Glad to see your being a lady about this

My alarm just went off. It’s 12:05 pm. Glad to see my drunk self last night was ensuring I was getting my beauty sleep…
It has been an interesting RIDONCULOUS weekend. .. Lemme break it down

Friday: After some serious DILF watching at the pool Jamie, Morgan, and I completely slutted it up and were ready to hit the town. Shamelessly we went to about 4 bars. At one we drank 40s, in my six inch heels. Who’s that lady? Classy lady? ME At one point in the night I told Jamie I would do bad bad things to a friend of ours, like dress up like pochohantas bad. I woke up in a Hooters shirt and pizza sauce in every crevice on my body..

SATURDAY: Woke up bright and early and went to Jungle Jims hungover as SHIT with the parents. It was fun. Then I went to work to make that money.  Morgan and I met at Harrigans. Ran into an old friend Danny. Came home and watched Harry Potter. Yup. You read that correctly.

PS: Saturday was creepy. OMM has turned into a STAGE ONE BILLION STALKER. Apparently his friend came into the other store where I wasn’t working, asked Jessy if I was and left and Matt was standing up the street. CREEPER. NOT COOL

SUNDAY: I worked in the afternoon and my friend Boogers texted me. We met a few months ago. I think he is completely yummy but thats about it. Conversation-bleh, visual-yes please.  After work I went over to his new house. We sat and drank some Shiraz and talked. He has drama follow him like a rain cloud, but he is fails to see he has some responsibility over it. After a few glasses of wine we both decided we liked our friendship, wanted it to continue but the inevitable was bound to happen. He also said I am the exact kind of girl he wants but he knows I am too good for him and would never date him. Couldn’t have said it better myself. Sorry bub, your two kids, crazy ass life are not what I want.

So an hour later I’m stripping to my skivvys and Marvin Gay is playing in my head. Having a fuck buddy is something I think everyone needs. The emotions aren’t there and you can be completely and totally selfish, and well plain rotten.  I was uncomfortable at first because he took my bra off. Well there I was reverse cowgirl SANS NIPS. After a few minutes it was totally natural. It is still something I have to get used to.

And some of this, some of that

Oh and I might of, in a stage of  “I just got fucked” euphoria sent my boss saying, “I GOT SOME BOOTY” god I really have to cut that crap. Eh, it’s job security. We trade juicy details.

Well that made for an interesting weekend. Now I’m pumped full of feeling sexy and ready to conquer the world. Let the week begin!!!!

Pimpin’ Ain’t Easy

From the mouth of the greatests, pimpin aint easy! I learned that all too well last night. After I got my hair did I wanted to go do something, naturally I was looking good! My old boyfriend called and I met him at a bar by University of Dayton.  We broke up about a year ago but have maintained a friendship.  After a few rounds of trivia (which I kicked his asssss) we were ready to leave.  As I was closing out my tab in walks Old Man Matt.  Old Man Matt is a friend of mine. We go out to dinner, drink, whatever.  He is frustrated with me because I will not commit to anything other than a platonic friendship with him. I have no hidden agenda and I have never been anything but honest with the man.  Well there I am sitting at the bar between two men who well frankly, love me. Can I get an AWKWARD??!

As awkward as it may have been, I honestly felt relieved.  For as long as I can remember I have made it clear to O.M.M. that he is just a friend. I mean honestly, he is 17 years older than me. It was a relief, like see don’t fall in love with me, I will break your heart.

Needles to say I received a voicemail about three hours after our encounter.  He said he cared about me deeply but cannot do this “nonsense” anymore.  Where I don’t return calls and make excuses not to hangout and always make time for other people.  Hello, I don’t make excuses I tell you the truth.  I sound heartless saying this but I didn’t even listen to the entire message, I was laughing too hard.  He had fallen into all the traps I told him to avoid.  The nonsense? What nonsense, I have been open about my relationships, or lack thereof with other men. As soon as I was finished laughing I deleted his number.  I respect him and adore him as a friend, but our friendship had crossed a border that was a little too close to comfort.

There goes my day drinking partner :( ::tear:: hahah

First Haircut Day

Today I got my first haircut in seven months!

I’m a Winner and You’re Fat

I feel like I blinked and my day passed. I struggled to get out of bed at 7:45. I met madame at the senior center and began my first yoga class.  It was incredible. It felt really great to try something new.

Can I just say I am a sucker for a good commercial.

Popping My Post Cherry

This Monday started out as most Mondays do, entirely effed up. But it gradually improved. I managed to accomplish much.  My left turn signal bulb has been burned out for about a year. I have survived many birdies and stink eyes. Last week my left break light went out. I sucked up my fears of having to do any me

it's more needy than a stage 5 clinger

chanical, electrical, or general work on my foreign car and drove it to the auto parts store. I was terrified the bulbs would be 14k gold plated and cost twelve billion dollars like an oil change. Putting my financial fears aside I bravely walked to the counter and said in one breath, “I need a turn signal and break light for a 2001 BMW 325CI.” The clerk said,”Huh.” Fuck. I need to settle down. After talking slowly like my fifth grade play director had long ago taught me, he understood and began searching on their greasy computer. I had just eaten at my mothers house, so you know I ate well, and had a hard time standing comfortably. Finally it was decided we would have to take the old ones out to ensure we had the correct style. This wasn’t going to be a quick in and out like I had expected.

The clerk yelled at another coworker to help me. I don’t think he was in the mood to talk car parts with someone who just recently found the trunk release button on their car of one year. When I looked up from the wide selection of Ed Hardy air fresheners(scents come in cherry vodka, tanning bed, and Paul Mitchell Freeze and Shine), I saw an old high school friend who had recently been diagnosed with cancer. We have talked back and forth via Facebook about different pain in the ass tests, or the strawberry fields of chemotherapy but have not seen each other in about five years. When he opened my trunk I could only laugh at the contents inside. Stinky Reeboks,  sixteen purses, a Hannah Montana doll, and one of my infamous wigs.

After he successfully brought me to, “kind of a safe driver”, for only $5.99, we took turns raising the bar on the cancer game. You know, ” I have three rounds of chemo left.” “Oh yea, I have nine.” Kind of a a cancer treatment throwdown. We exchanged numbers and promised to get a beer as soon as we could pencil one another around our doctor appointments.

I left smiling. It’s a different world he and I live in. It’s refreshing to know a peer of mine has the same questions and general fears about life, and has experienced some of those. Some one to relate to.

Tomorrow am I have a yoga class with my high school french teacher at the Senior Center. This.should.be.interesting. To say the least. I am looking forward to it, even if it means waking up at 7:45. It is something different. I am always looking for change!